| | I recieved another email back from the woman I was told to email.
She has found a P. D'Aoust in a Kingston listing, and has offered to
call it. I told her that'd be great. It's such a blessing
that nowadays we have the internet right at our fingertips. It
makes searching that much easier. I'm a little scared, but also a
little hopeful. What fantastic timing that would be!
I was thinking about a post I read on one of the adoption forums.
It was from a birth mother, wanting to know how/why the adopted
children love their birth parents. It was a very painful post to
read.
"I was wondering, how is it that
adopted children still love their birth parents? I had my
daughter, but gave her up for adoption. Through the years I had
other children. They never replaced
her. I waited all these years with the hole in my heart,
the void in my life because she wasn't around me. I wasn't
whole.
Yet when the child gets placed, they
get a replacement mother. The new mother is their only mother,
and I'm to fade away into the sunset. Why do we do this?
How is it that a child can love someone as their mother, when they
already have one?"
She was an older woman, back when adoption was something people did but
never spoke about. I really felt for her. But for those of
us who were told that we were adopted, we wanted to know. I know
I did. It wasn't until I recieved that call from CAS saying that
my birth mother didn't want to find me that I grew leary of it
all. So I'm a little worried on that regard. What if she
doesn't want to meet me again?
I wish there was some way that I could just let her know that I'll be
okay if she doesn't want a relationship. I just want to finally
look at a blood relative. Try to see myself in her. I
suppose deep down I'm really wanting to find her because I'm hoping
I'll have a better connection with her than my Mom. My mom will
always be my mother. I love her, but we're so different that I
have a hard time even speaking to her.
I haven't told her about all of this, and I feel bad. I feel like
I am sneaking around behind her back, but truthfully I have no other
choice. She would guilt trip me and make me feel bad for wanting
to know my history. It's been pointed out to me time and time
again that I need to start doing things that are best for ME,
regardless of how it might affect others. My brother knows that I
am searching, and couldn't be more happier for me if he tried. He
thinks that in finding my birth family, I'll finally be able to deal
with the rejection issues that I've had all my life.
He doesn't think I should tell my Mom either. Not until I
actually go find her I guess. Is it weird that I wouldn't feel
comfortable calling my birth mother "Mom"? Sure she'd be my flesh
and blood.... but she hasn't really been a "Mom" to me in almost 25
years. I dunno... I'll figure that one out later, when it's
closer to actually meeting her.
Oh, and I probrably will not change my name back to Jamie Lee
Ann. I like being a "Tiffany"  . When I was younger, I
used to wonder if my father's name was Jamie, and my mother's name was
Lee Ann and that's why they named me that. Who knows?
Hopefully I will, someday.
|
| | Posted 1/26/2006 9:46 AM - 37 Views - 8 eProps - 4 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
